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Just Thoughts

Wrote this awhile back but sharing now: They say when you are at your darkest right around the corner is light. But at times it feels like I can see it but as I reach it slips away. Not thinking morbid or anything lets get that established now. I mean with all that has been tossed my way, especially lately I kinda want that happy train to roll on back into town. I have realized that I need to be the one to give me that. I can't depend on anyone for my happiness. But it seems so easy to want to say f*** it and slip back into that same routine. The comfort level is there but happiness is not. Two become one? Grow together? More like 1 split into 2 now and grew apart. My heart tired and battered from all the crap and all the lies. Being honest is the only way. What is the theme of this epic moment or shall I say epic downfall? "Descending" yeah that's a good song for it, a bit of me and a bit of you all rolled into one...... "Your all I've ever known. So hard
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Me and Me Alone

No poem, writing or story today. Its me and my consciousness and my new reality. Sure the things I share are me at different times in my journey but this is today's journey. As I sit here and ponder what has become of a life I once had I realize my journey has changed yet once again. I am facing a new direction, part by choice and part by necessity. Many things have brought me to this new direction and new path, not just one thing or one person. I had a hand in this as painful as it has been, I took part. To realize this I feel is half the battle. But I am still caught in the anger and hurt. I am finding it hard to face some of what has become out of my pain and anger. My heart has been broken but I will not be broken by this. I feel and I know what has been done. I grapple with the meaning of all that has become of my journey, but I do not dispute where I am. For I know in someway for some reason I am meant to be here. Through the years the many things I have faced and that have
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Bloggin After Dark........

Bloggin in the night. Bloggin in the darkness. If you only knew me. If you only knew what I could really offer. My heart could beat for you. My body could keep rhythm just for you. But I will shield that from you. I can't go back to where I was. Can't stumble to what was. I will keep it under wraps. I will stay behind my disguise. You will see what I want you to see. As I twist inside and I wait. If you could only know. Brush my hair from my face. Lean in and kiss me so tenderly. Wait! No! Not yet! I am me and I won't go back to that place. Not now. Not just yet. I hurt, my heart aches, I cling to the solace in just me. I got it bad, but its only for me to know..... Keep it to myself.... If you could just see what u mean to me and what I could mean to you, what I actually meant to u at one time. Maybe? Someday? Bloggin in the dark.... Bloggin in the darkness..... I say what I mean but I say it only to me... Can't break that wall just yet..... Someday
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Balance of Epic Moments

Balance... The balance of all in life, good/bad, pleasure/pain, new life/loss and so it goes on. Epic (by the way my favorite word to discrib these moments) as it may be they change you, sometimes they can rock you to the core other times they jostle u a bit and move on. I am not any different or special then the next with my life's journey, its just my journey. Dealing and coping maybe the hardest part for me, easy for some hard for others. Sometimes leaving me with the question of "who am I now" instead of reaching to where some feel comfort with "I will not let this change who I am". But is it really that easy? Am I just making my epic moments rule as I take a back seat? You will find I go back and forth to times in my life that rocked me to the core and I still have aftershocks from those moments in time. Loss seems to have rocked me to the inner most part of my being. I call them my D's, losses of ones I have loved with all of me & was close to and
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