Just Thoughts

Wrote this awhile back but sharing now:
They say when you are at your darkest right around the corner is light. But at times it feels like I can see it but as I reach it slips away. Not thinking morbid or anything lets get that established now. I mean with all that has been tossed my way, especially lately I kinda want that happy train to roll on back into town. I have realized that I need to be the one to give me that. I can't depend on anyone for my happiness. But it seems so easy to want to say f*** it and slip back into that same routine. The comfort level is there but happiness is not. Two become one? Grow together? More like 1 split into 2 now and grew apart.
My heart tired and battered from all the crap and all the lies. Being honest is the only way. What is the theme of this epic moment or shall I say epic downfall? "Descending" yeah that's a good song for it, a bit of me and a bit of you all rolled into one...... "Your all I've ever known. So hard to just look away. Put out all I've shown
As I watch you throw it away", thanks for the words ***Scars of Life***!!!
The epicness of this moment is not yet known. But I know it will send out shock waves that will continue to rock me for the rest of my life. I am ready though, for all the bull s*** and all the talk. Can't be any worse then the hurt and stress I have been feeling and that has become my life.
Drama fed by this moment. Time to pull up my big girl panties and enjoy the show! Oh wait I have a lead role in this don't I? After all the fakeness that we have been living and the show we have played for everyone I am prime!

After thought:
I put on my big girl panties and I am off on a new journey and found the light. I found many reasons to smile again. Some for brief moments and others that will last. This is my show and I am doing the casting from now on. Metaphorically killing off the bad seeds. Enjoying life as me, a woman and a mom!