Me and Me Alone
No poem, writing or story today. Its me and my consciousness and my new reality. Sure the things I share are me at different times in my journey but this is today's journey.
As I sit here and ponder what has become of a life I once had I realize my journey has changed yet once again. I am facing a new direction, part by choice and part by necessity. Many things have brought me to this new direction and new path, not just one thing or one person. I had a hand in this as painful as it has been, I took part. To realize this I feel is half the battle. But I am still caught in the anger and hurt. I am finding it hard to face some of what has become out of my pain and anger.
My heart has been broken but I will not be broken by this. I feel and I know what has been done. I grapple with the meaning of all that has become of my journey, but I do not dispute where I am. For I know in someway for some reason I am meant to be here. Through the years the many things I have faced and that have changed me this is sure to be added to those epic moments. Just how much I will be changed or not is yet to be seen.
Many feel they know what is best and what should be done or not done. But this is my journey and I have chosen to do as I need for me and kids. I do not tell you how to walk your journey or try to walk in your shoes so don't try to tell me for I know you would never walk in my shoes. I want to scream to get the hell off my back. And ask if it means so much to you then why didn't you speak up before things got here!? But it is no use for others only see what they want and point fingers at who they want. Point I don't care, speak ill of me if it makes you feel better. But puttin someone on a pedestal because you can does not make them faultless in this mess.
I shall walk this new path and I shall replace those as my companions with ones that are healthier for me to have by my side. Moving forward and if I should chose to revisit something that has nothing to do with the neigh sayers I will walk past, over or ahead of you. This is my life and my story. It is my heart and my hurt. And I will learn form this and I will be strong and when I need someone to lean on I have those people in place.
I have new titles in my life now, new names that I never thought would be mine but I will claim them as I need to.... Stand with me or step aside......
As I sit here and ponder what has become of a life I once had I realize my journey has changed yet once again. I am facing a new direction, part by choice and part by necessity. Many things have brought me to this new direction and new path, not just one thing or one person. I had a hand in this as painful as it has been, I took part. To realize this I feel is half the battle. But I am still caught in the anger and hurt. I am finding it hard to face some of what has become out of my pain and anger.
My heart has been broken but I will not be broken by this. I feel and I know what has been done. I grapple with the meaning of all that has become of my journey, but I do not dispute where I am. For I know in someway for some reason I am meant to be here. Through the years the many things I have faced and that have changed me this is sure to be added to those epic moments. Just how much I will be changed or not is yet to be seen.
Many feel they know what is best and what should be done or not done. But this is my journey and I have chosen to do as I need for me and kids. I do not tell you how to walk your journey or try to walk in your shoes so don't try to tell me for I know you would never walk in my shoes. I want to scream to get the hell off my back. And ask if it means so much to you then why didn't you speak up before things got here!? But it is no use for others only see what they want and point fingers at who they want. Point I don't care, speak ill of me if it makes you feel better. But puttin someone on a pedestal because you can does not make them faultless in this mess.
I shall walk this new path and I shall replace those as my companions with ones that are healthier for me to have by my side. Moving forward and if I should chose to revisit something that has nothing to do with the neigh sayers I will walk past, over or ahead of you. This is my life and my story. It is my heart and my hurt. And I will learn form this and I will be strong and when I need someone to lean on I have those people in place.
I have new titles in my life now, new names that I never thought would be mine but I will claim them as I need to.... Stand with me or step aside......
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